​​Listen in as Melissa Costello talks to Jared Levenson, the host of Eating Enlightenment podcast about how to ​feel more confident around food and the choices you make, while building self-trust and self-esteem.

​Women Who Run with Horses Podcast

​Melissa talks with Hilary Schneider, the host of Women Who run with Horses about her journey with body image dysmorphia and how her work with horses helps women to heal and build confidence with their bodies and in their lives. 

​Melissa talks to Hallie Avolio, the host of Sassy and Fit TV about how a meal plan is NOT the long-term answer to weight loss.  

​Optimize Yourself Podcast: How to use Intuitive Eating to Transform Your Relationship with Food.

​In this episode of Zack Arnold's, Optimize Yourself podcast learn from ​Melissa how you can change your relationship to food forever. While the journey isn’t necessarily easy, it’s a lot simpler than you might think.

​IMperfectly Healthy: Finding Peace with Food and Your Body

​Faith Shevlin the host of IMpefectly Healthy interviews Melissa Costello about how she found peace with food and her body after spending over 30 years stuck in the vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting and body shame. 

Self-sabotage seems to be the #1 obstacle that most people struggle with when it comes to weight loss, consistent healthy eating, positive lifestyle choices and exercise.

I was recently working with​ one of my private clients who expressed that no matter how many times she ​went on a diet, she would ​ultimately end up sabotaging herself. She would start off strong and all gung-ho, do great for a couple of days, but then something would snap, and she would go off the rails.

When I inquired deeper about what led her to "snap," we uncovered a pattern of hiding....she had been hiding her whole life behind a mask of, "Everything is OK."

She pretended that she was good, and that she had it all together, no matter what was happening in her life. She didn't want anyone to know if she was struggling, or having a hard day because she had a limiting belief that would make her look weak or incompetent.

​So, she hid behind a fake smile even though inside she was bubbling up with anger and resentment. It was a lot to hold up every day and she felt exhausted, inauthentic and out of alignment with her truth. Feeling this way regularly, ultimately​ led her to sabotage herself every time, even with the simplest of thing​s.

How hiding leads to self-sabotage

When we hide, like my client does, we are being untrue to ourselves and others. We are being in-authentic and fake. No one can know the real us if we are hiding behind what I call, safety masks.

I used to be a master at hiding....

Behind food....
Behind being a "good" girl....
Behind shame....
Behind rear....
Behind being busy....
Behind a fake smile....
Behind needing to look and be perfect....

And you know what I learned? All the hiding resulted in a tremendous amount of suffering and consistent self-sabotage. It also drove me to overeat, binge and use food as a crutch. 

When we hide who we are for fear of being judged, looking stupid, being seen as a weak or whatever other god-awful judgement we have, we are disconnected from ourselves and our truth. And, being disconnected from from ourselves, is the fastest track to self-sabotage because we are walking around always feeling like something is not-quite-right in our lives.

​Here are some examples of ways we hide....

Trying to control everything, especially our food....

Perfectionism...(I'm a recovering perfectionist!)

People Pleasing and Over-giving...(leads to resentment)

Good Girl Syndrome....

Over-Achiever...

Hiding behind these masks of perfectionism, control, over-achiever, and people pleasing is a way we try to keep ourselves safe in the world; it's a protection mechanism which often ​leads to burying our heads in a pint of ice cream."

When I asked my client what would happen if people really knew the truth about her, she burst into tears. She couldn't even fathom that anyone would like her if they saw her "not-so-nice" side, or if she really spoke her mind, or asked for what she wanted.

She thought she would be perceived as a brat, or a bit$h, especially as a woman working in a high-powered job. 

How we acquire these masks

We all come into the world the same way; as a little bundle of pure, unconditional love and joy. We have no language, no belief systems, no ideas and no awareness of our ego. We are happy and present.

Over time, as we grow and learn, all kinds of things are projected on to us from the outside world, and those closest to us. Some of us grew up without loving parents, or we had parents who expected a lot from us, or there were kids in school who were mean, or teachers who didn't believe in us.

We may have received a lot of messages of not being lovable, worthy or good enough. Whatever it was, these messages were programmed into us as a belief system during the formative years of ages 0-9, as we create our core memories.

The challenging part is that we take those belief systems with us into adulthood without any awareness of them and they usually end up running the show without even knowing it.

They show up in the form of self-sabotage, overeating, food struggles, addiction and more. We keep experiencing the same challenges over and over, and we don't understand why.

Tip #1 for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

When I was in the spirals of sabotage, I felt as though I would never get out. I thought I was broken and needed some serious fixing. What I learned over the years in my healing journey, is that I wasn't broken, I was hiding. I wasn't being true to myself, or anyone else for that matter.

I began to take a deeper look within and ask myself some important questions about who I wanted to "be", and how I wanted to show up in the world.

The answer that came was profound at the time, because it wasn't about anything external, or anything I could acquire. It was all about being an example of love, authenticity, presence and inspiration for others.

YOUR ACTION: Get brutally honest about who you want to be in the world. Ask yourself what would truly make you happy. Write a list of everything that comes to mind. This process could be scary, because it may require you ​to take a hard look at ​your current situations at work, at home or in a relationship.

Once that's done, ​figure out what feels the most important right now for you and then take one tiny step toward whatever that is for you. Even if it feels scary or unknown taking a small step will feel empowering and inspiring. L

Listen, we all know how fast life ​goes by, so do you want to keep living the way you are, or do something about it?

Tip #2 for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Start to share your most vulnerable truths with others you trust. Let people know you are struggling. Be transparent.

​Most of us are trained to not show vulnerability for fear of being deemed weak, and consequently we often pretend everything is o.k., even when it's not. This can also drive us straight to the refrigerator.

So, find the person you know that will hold your deepest truths in confidence and share from the heart. Ask for them to just listen and hold sacred space for you.

I guarantee you will feel a sense of freedom, and as a result the self-sabotaging behaviors will start to lessen because you will feel supported.

Tip #3 for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Practice Self-Compassion and Kindness.

None of us are perfect or have it all together. It's completely impossible. Most of us have an inner critic that is relentless. That inner critic is your biggest saboteur.

Start to become aware of the mean things you say to yourself, and turn them into a statement of compassion.

For example, if your inner critic keeps telling you that you are a failure because you can't stay on track or keep weight off, then it's time to hush that voice, and find a different thought instead that is more empowering.

When my inner-critic rears her ugly head, I hear her and literally say, "STOP," out loud. Then I redirect that thought to a place of self-compassion and kindness, by telling myself I am OK just as I am, and I am doing the best I can.

This helps me to stay present while also stating something that is believable versus lofty. You don't want to pendulum swing too far away from the original thought, because your inner-critic will definitely balk.

In closing

Furthermore, breaking the pattern of self-sabotage takes time, consistency and patience. It doesn't happen over night.

These ingrained patterns need a lot of attention and action. You are responsible for making the change in your life and remember, you have the power to make a choice. Your inner-saboteur doesn't have to run the show.

If you practice these 3 tips regularly you will begin to feel your inner-saboteur fade into the background, little by little and you will feel more empowered each day! 

When most people attempt weight loss, they usually want it to happen quickly and easily. You know, the promise of a "quick-fix," "lose x amount of pounds in x amount of days," or "lose weight fast," draws us in and makes us feel like we have finally found the answer to our weight loss woes.

I'm wondering, how many gimmicks do you see out there making false promises of fast weight loss, or having the  body of your dreams in x amount of days, BUT ONLY if you stick to their highly-restrictive diet? I'm guessing your news feed is loaded with them.

What the diet industry doesn't tell you, is that it will be impossible to stay on that diet long-term. You WILL eventually gain the weight back, because statistically over 95% of people gain weight back that they lost from a restrictive diet within 1-3 years.

One thing I know for sure: Dieting is NOT Sustainable. #truthbomb

And I'm pretty sure you know it too. Yet we can easily get so stuck in the vicious cycle of it because of the BIG. FAT. LIES. that are fed to us. Did you know a recent study in the UK showed that an average woman will spend roughly 30 years of her life on a diet? What the.....??? It's culturally ingrained in us; it's become the norm. And it eats away at our life, our self-esteem and confidence.

You may think because I am a Transformational Eating Coach and Nutritionist that I have my shit (excuse my Jersey potty mouth) together when it comes to food and my body. But, I am by no means perfect, nor do I want to be. 

I have learned that my many years of struggles with food went deep....much deeper than the food itself.  In fact, my biggest learning was that my struggles really had nothing to do with the food at all.

All the quick fixes, wanting to be perfect with my eating, restricting myself, living by tons of food rules, trying out the next miracle pill or hottest new diet fad all left me feeling like a HUGE failure, and kept me locked up in my own food prison. None of these things helped me lose the weight I was trying to lose, or gave me relief from my food obsession.

In fact, if I did lose weight (usually very little) I would gain it, back plus some.  I had to keep fighting with myself and my body. It felt like a never-ending battle...one that I would never win. I thought my body was fighting against me, but once I gave up dieting everything changed.

Back in those days, I couldn't fathom ever feeling freedom and ease with food, or being able to maintain a weight that felt good for me. I was obsessed, and I spent all of my energy and mental capacity controlling everything I put into my body. It left me depleted, angry and feeling miserable about myself.

Have you been trying to solve your food and weight issues by going on another diet, doing a cleanse, intermittent fasting, giving up your favorite food, exercising more, restricting/depriving, and looking for the next "fix?" Well, you're not alone.

Some of these things may help you make better choices for your overall lifestyle, but none of them will work for the long-term results you want. Most likely you will have to keep starting over, again and again...it's exhausting.

I know how important it is to live a healthy lifestyle, but the things I mentioned above (which by the way make my stomach turn when I think about them) will not set you up for sustainable weight loss, or healthy habits. They will only set you up for disappointment, and eventually hopelessness...

Aren't you sick of that yet? I hope so....

Below I share strategies that WILL help set you up for natural and sustainable weight loss. Now mind you, this is NOT a quick fix. You will need to dig deeper than you ever have before, you will have to practice the change, and you will need to let go of a whole lot of thoughts and beliefs around what you think you know.

When I first start working with my private clients, they always want me to give them a plan, and I won't....

That is the reason they came to me in the first place, because they are SICK of following a restrictive plan and missing out on life. They know that ultimately it doesn't work, but it also feels scary not to have one...there is a lot of fear of getting out of control.

But the truth is, they already ARE out of control....so read on, to learn how you can get off the crazy diet roller-coaster and lose weight naturally, so you can keep it off and start living a saner life with food.

First Key on How to Lose Weight Naturally - Slow Down

I know this may sound crazy to you, but slowing down when you eat will actually support your weight loss efforts.

Too often people eat on the go, sitting in front of computers, standing over the kitchen sink, or shoveling a meal in quickly before their next appointment. It's a surefire way to eat more than your body needs, and it doesn't allow your body to digest properly or assimilate the nutrients from your food in a beneficial way.

Eating on the run, or eating quickly causes a lot of stress in the body, and we all know stress causes weight gain.

So, practice one meal a day sitting at a table without distraction and eat slowly. Taste your food, savor it, enjoy the experience.  Breathe. Look around. Take in the sights and sounds. Put your fork down and chew. This will help your body to get the nourishment it needs, and it will help you attune more to your fullness signals as well. I guarantee you will feel fuller much quicker than you have in the past, and there just might be some food left on your plate too.

Second Key on How to Lose Weight Naturally - Eat When you Feel Physical Hunger

Do your best to eat only when you feel physical hunger. This is a big one because most of us eat quite often when we are not physically hungry, or we eat because we are afraid to feel hunger or feel empty.

What this does is gives our body food when it doesn't need it, and you know what that results in? WEIGHT GAIN! Anytime you ingest calories when you don't have physical hunger, your body will most likely store it as extra weight. The body doesn't understand what to do with all this extra food that it doesn't need.

The quality of the food comes into play too. You CAN gain weight overeating what you deem to be "healthy" food. Believe me, I was a health food, binge eater and I put on 25 extra pounds doing it.

So, take time to attune to your physical hunger. Before you eat, ask yourself if you are physically hungry. Wait for an answer. If you are craving something, and you think you need to eat, most of the time that is due to an emotional need. If that's the case, see if there is something else you can give to yourself other than food that will feel nourishing to you.

On the other hand, if you are truly physically hungry, than make a nourishing and honoring choice that you will feel good about and sit down and eat it slowly.

Third Key on How to Lose Weight Naturally - Drop the Rules + Restrictions

Lose the restriction and rules. WHAT? You're probably thinking I am crazy right now. But the truth is, all the rules and restriction are what keep you stuck in this crazy-ass cycle with food in the first place.

I know, you're afraid if you don't have rules and restriction you will go hog-wild. Well, it's possible, but my guess is, you might for a little bit (maybe once or twice,) but then those foods that you told yourself you couldn't eat, and that you white-knuckle through to not give in to, will lose all their allure.

Once we give ourselves FULL permission to enjoy a food without the judgement, it loses it's pull on us. I go way more in-depth about this in my Empowered Eating Experience 5-day Mini Course.

So for now, see about giving up ONE of your food rules. Maybe the one about not eating carbs because they are "bad," or the one about having a cheat meal on the weekends. Those rules DO NOT serve you.  Run an experiment and try it on for a week and see what you notice.

The bottom line is that you want to be able to build trust in yourself and your body. These 3 steps will help you do that. Once you can trust yourself and KNOW you have a choice about when, why and what you eat, then you will be able to lose weight sustain-ably and naturally.

If you want to learn more about sustainable weight loss, click here to get my most popular video, 3 Keys to Sustainable Weight Loss for FREE!

​How to change habits for good

​To change your habits, you must have a plan; one that is realistic and doable. You must be tenacious about it​ while being willing to break through the terror threshold, no matter what persuasion the subconscious ninjas use to pull you back into your old sticky ways.

Once you give in to that one little negotiation of, "oh it's just one cookie," or "I need that glass of wine to help me relax," you've abandoned yourself once again and given your power over to the habit you are trying to break.

So let's look at the steps you can take to build NEW, healthy habits and get rid of the ones that are keeping you stuck in the vicious cycle, that you KNOW you want to break out of. 

Know your why and hold it tight

​​Negotiations ​be gone!

​Know your triggers ​